On Oscar's love for Ana:
"The only thing that came close was how he felt about his books; only the combined love he had for everything he'd read and everything he hoped to write came even close" [Diaz 45].
See? When I say I love you more than books, it means something.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
vocation...
My old cogitating friend Nick Baker suggests, "Once you decide on a profession, you riffle back through your past to find early random indications of a leaning toward your chosen interest and you nurture them into a false prominence..." [u and i, 99]
As much as I love my office, I can't say that I have always desired to be an Administrative Assistant. Grocery Bagger, Horse Trainer, Librarian, Teacher, and Movie Director, yes. Perhaps all of them indicate a desire to apply order to chaos, to help develop an intricate structure out of lowly beginnings.
For Baker and I, this nurturing is relentlessly circular. We are Thinkers and Orderers and Creators [one of us more skilled and well-paid, naturally], therefore we think about Thinking, we order the Order, and we create more Creators [or at least, he writes books and i encourage more appreciative readers]. If he were something other than a self-aware and self-depreciating writer, would he even consider the false or real search through the lumber of his mind for evidence of long-standing childhood card-cataloging? He thinks about falsely making connections within the Two Roads Diverged and ends up making real connections. Unending layers!
I love the playful edge to his prosal wanderings. His deep awareness of the light, floating bits of existence constantly feeds my own neuroses. In fact, he has enflamed my desire to study something I'll never actually learn simply to experience the joyous act of manipulating knowledge in its physical form:
"Above the single candy-stripe of the magenta line I wrote down the quotation, as well as I remembered it; below, on the blue pin-striping, was the source, if I knew it, and the date and time I made the card, and what number it was in the total sequence, and any other notes I felt called on to make. I saw myself...flipping through them at high speed in spare moments, like a language student studying for a final; laying them all out side by side on the rug and playing some sort of game of concentration with them. I very much wanted them to become dog-eared. I wanted to get good at wristily doubling the rubber band around them when I had finished with them for the day. But I half knew at the outset that they would prove less useful than the initial pleasure of filling them out would lead me to expect..." [u and i 99-100].
Ahhh, there's nothing like the smell of introspective abstraction. Gotta get me some notecards, notecards.
As much as I love my office, I can't say that I have always desired to be an Administrative Assistant. Grocery Bagger, Horse Trainer, Librarian, Teacher, and Movie Director, yes. Perhaps all of them indicate a desire to apply order to chaos, to help develop an intricate structure out of lowly beginnings.
For Baker and I, this nurturing is relentlessly circular. We are Thinkers and Orderers and Creators [one of us more skilled and well-paid, naturally], therefore we think about Thinking, we order the Order, and we create more Creators [or at least, he writes books and i encourage more appreciative readers]. If he were something other than a self-aware and self-depreciating writer, would he even consider the false or real search through the lumber of his mind for evidence of long-standing childhood card-cataloging? He thinks about falsely making connections within the Two Roads Diverged and ends up making real connections. Unending layers!
I love the playful edge to his prosal wanderings. His deep awareness of the light, floating bits of existence constantly feeds my own neuroses. In fact, he has enflamed my desire to study something I'll never actually learn simply to experience the joyous act of manipulating knowledge in its physical form:
"Above the single candy-stripe of the magenta line I wrote down the quotation, as well as I remembered it; below, on the blue pin-striping, was the source, if I knew it, and the date and time I made the card, and what number it was in the total sequence, and any other notes I felt called on to make. I saw myself...flipping through them at high speed in spare moments, like a language student studying for a final; laying them all out side by side on the rug and playing some sort of game of concentration with them. I very much wanted them to become dog-eared. I wanted to get good at wristily doubling the rubber band around them when I had finished with them for the day. But I half knew at the outset that they would prove less useful than the initial pleasure of filling them out would lead me to expect..." [u and i 99-100].
Ahhh, there's nothing like the smell of introspective abstraction. Gotta get me some notecards, notecards.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
words of love...
Happy Valentine's Day, all my former faithful blog reader loves!
You know it's been too long when you can barely remember your if this is actually your regular posting font, or just something that looks similar.
I haven't made any formal statement of blogger-FAILdom, but I also can't act like I'll be posting from now on. Like so many things in adult life, this too is uncertain and slightly frightening [while freeing, of course].
I have been tweeting frequently these days, which fits into my schedule better because it only requires a thought transfer of 140 characters, not anything worthwhile or longish like a blog.
Until soon [or possibly never again,] I'll leave you with an Emily Dickinson poem full of epigraphs to unwritten classics. It was used in a sculpture/textile exhibit I saw at the Lesley Dill exhibit in the Hunter Art Museum in Chattanooga, Tennessee yesterday. I am completely captivated by the idea of "Some striding -- Giant -- Love --."
#263
A single Screw of Flesh
is all that pins the Soul
That stands for Deity, to Mine,
Upon my side the Veil -
Once witnessed of the Gauze --
Its name is put away
As far from mine, as if no plight
Had printed yesterday,
In tender -- solemn Alphabet,
My eyes just turned to see,
When it was smuggled by my sight
Into Eternity --
More Hands -- to hold -- These are but Two --
One more new-mailed Nerve
Just granted, for the Peril's sake --
Some striding -- Giant -- Love --
So greater than the Gods can show
They sink before the Clay,
That not for all their Heaven can boast
Will let its Keepsake -- go
Friday, January 09, 2009
i have no idea...
Good thing it's Friday!
Our resident crazy tenant just called today and severely harassed me about something totally out of my control. I have no idea what to do, but I kind of wanted to say something impolite and go cry.
She has also lied to three people, including myself, about some papers she was supposed to receive on NEXT MONDAY, saying that I promised it to her yesterday, or that Nicole promised to her last week [both completely untrue, and everyone here knows it]. She constantly makes up stuff like this and calls multiple times a day. She doles out threats like they're government bailouts, then is super syrupy and flattering if you do exactly what she wants when she wants. She tells people in the office that other people in the office "never" return her calls. She got out of a lease [read: LEGAL CONTRACT] with the old building owners because she said she saw a ghost. She regularly harasses my boss about wanting a job with our company. At least we all know she's insane so everyone kind of ignores her, but it's been the first truly difficult thing about my job.
What do you do when grownups lie?
Our resident crazy tenant just called today and severely harassed me about something totally out of my control. I have no idea what to do, but I kind of wanted to say something impolite and go cry.
She has also lied to three people, including myself, about some papers she was supposed to receive on NEXT MONDAY, saying that I promised it to her yesterday, or that Nicole promised to her last week [both completely untrue, and everyone here knows it]. She constantly makes up stuff like this and calls multiple times a day. She doles out threats like they're government bailouts, then is super syrupy and flattering if you do exactly what she wants when she wants. She tells people in the office that other people in the office "never" return her calls. She got out of a lease [read: LEGAL CONTRACT] with the old building owners because she said she saw a ghost. She regularly harasses my boss about wanting a job with our company. At least we all know she's insane so everyone kind of ignores her, but it's been the first truly difficult thing about my job.
What do you do when grownups lie?
Thursday, January 08, 2009
new times...
Woot for 2009!
I have a new job, a new address, I'm working on getting the new car and new roommate. I have a newish hair color and I met some new friends.
I'm learning old lessons in new ways, like owning my mistakes and not trying to control away discomfort.
Here are a few things I'm working on for the new year:
New Bod: Run 100 miles. [i have about 98 to go]
New Mind: Read and Review 25 books. [i have 24 to go]
New Heart: Recite 5 chapters of the Bible.
I'm gearing up for a year of hard times/the best times. I know this will be a year of settling in, but that means a year full of completely new experiences, relationships, and room to grow. I'm not filled with hope as much as resolve. I want to dig in and see what its like to have roots and bend in new ways.
I have a new job, a new address, I'm working on getting the new car and new roommate. I have a newish hair color and I met some new friends.
I'm learning old lessons in new ways, like owning my mistakes and not trying to control away discomfort.
Here are a few things I'm working on for the new year:
New Bod: Run 100 miles. [i have about 98 to go]
New Mind: Read and Review 25 books. [i have 24 to go]
New Heart: Recite 5 chapters of the Bible.
I'm gearing up for a year of hard times/the best times. I know this will be a year of settling in, but that means a year full of completely new experiences, relationships, and room to grow. I'm not filled with hope as much as resolve. I want to dig in and see what its like to have roots and bend in new ways.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
best of...
[2008]
best planet: Saturn. It has rings and I like jewelry.
best way to travel: Ferry boat
best birthday: Crazy Birthday Skit 23
best new title: College Grad
best book not read for class: Home [marilynne robinson]
best assigned book: Brideshead Revisited [evelyn waugh]
best month: Mystery Month
best grad: My Grad!
best new city: Boston
best concert: Over the Rhine
best website: Typeracer.com
best house: The Little Yellow House
best summer flick: Indiana Jones
best show: 30 Rock
best americanos: Albina Press
best apologetic: The Reason for God [Timothy Keller]
best shoes: Grey pumps
best waste of time: Twitter.com
best suite: Suite 344
best workout: Hiking Scar
best tour: East Coast Adventure Tour
best singing: Worship team with Paul and Kaysha
best hat: The Yellow Slouchy hat
best bedroom: The one on the beach at Little G's
best eats: Spring Break
best singing: Belting it out with the piano
best purchase: Brown boots
best haircut: Sarah at Blue Chair Salon
best afternoon: Saturday Afternoon
best surprise: Visit from Kates
best cd: The Submarines [You, Me & the Bourgeoisie]
best wedding: Josh and Mili!
best foreign food: Tiffin in Philadelphia
best new career given up: Temping
best trail: Freedom Trail in Boston
best jeans: Skinny Levis
best roadtrip: The Coast Weekend with Cassandra
best night: Ann Arbor with Becky
best ring: My Boccioni Pearl Ring
best cards: Letter Press Cards
best museum: The Philadelphia Museum of Art
best class: The Statesmanship of Winston Churchill
best card game: Cribbage
best relaxation: Coronado Beach
best tv: The Summer Olympics
best vegetable: Root vegetables
best thursday: Thursday Next
best starbucks: Cherrie's Starbucks
best break: Spring Break
best webzine: patrolmag.com
best party: Senior Dinner Dance
best loss: The Superbowl
best skirt: Yellow jcrew pencil
best girl with an instrument: Ingrid Michaelson
best soup: Snowed in Split Pea
best children: CBS Children
best bond: Still Casino Royale
best poet: Czeslaw Milosz
best insane 23 hour trip: JohnDavid & Elyse's wedding
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
how to make a snow cone...
1. Apply generous amounts of snow to the whole world. About a foot should do it.
2. Select flavor of syrup. Lime, for example.
3. Upon selecting the perfect snow [located at easy mouth level, but out of the reach of contaminants], pour flavored syrup.
4. Gather members of the family and enjoy!newlygrads...
What with all this snow [a foot!] and lack of work [snow days and christmas vacation days - i still have a job], it feels a lot like I'm still in Hillsdale. As the memories of long tormented nights and petty social frustrations fade, the Ghost of College Past is flourishing. As I read this bit from A Severe Mercy, I couldn't help but think of the best of conversations and company.
...We had decided from the first to reach out to or draw in all we could of the extraordinary richness of the great university round us. In a way all of us at [college] knew, knew as an undercurrent in our minds, that it wouldn't last for ever. Lew and Mary Ann expressed it one night by saying: "This, you know, is a time of taking in - taking in friendship, conversation, gaiety, wisdom, knowledge, beauty, holiness - and later, well, there'll be a time of giving out." Later, when we were scattered about the world. Now we must store up the strength, the riches, all that [college] had given us, to sustain us after...
I hope the giving out is going well for everyone. Sometimes I miss that place and you people more than anything. I'm told that as I get more established into "the life after," that it will fade, but I hope that the memories only get better.
[/end sappiness]
...We had decided from the first to reach out to or draw in all we could of the extraordinary richness of the great university round us. In a way all of us at [college] knew, knew as an undercurrent in our minds, that it wouldn't last for ever. Lew and Mary Ann expressed it one night by saying: "This, you know, is a time of taking in - taking in friendship, conversation, gaiety, wisdom, knowledge, beauty, holiness - and later, well, there'll be a time of giving out." Later, when we were scattered about the world. Now we must store up the strength, the riches, all that [college] had given us, to sustain us after...
I hope the giving out is going well for everyone. Sometimes I miss that place and you people more than anything. I'm told that as I get more established into "the life after," that it will fade, but I hope that the memories only get better.
[/end sappiness]
Friday, December 12, 2008
waiting ten...
In every place I have ever lived/visited [specifically: southern california, portland, the northwest in general, georgia, the south in general, virginia, michigan, and new england], I have heard people say: "Well, that's the weather in __________ for you! If you don't like it, wait ten minutes!"
Do you think that is true of everywhere? Why do we all still say it? Am I the only one who has noticed this?
Do you think that is true of everywhere? Why do we all still say it? Am I the only one who has noticed this?
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