Wednesday, September 28, 2005

sickly thoughts...

Do you suppose that part of the fun of being ill is having an important sounding name to identify your symptoms? Not just sick. But sick with a name. That never happens to me. Like, I can probably count on two fingers the number of times in my life I have been name sick. [unless a sprained ankle counts]

Don't you think that it's better to be able to say, "i have bronchitis" or "if i had waited much longer to go the doctor, i would have pneumonia right now," than to just say "i'm sick?"

I encourage all of my deep-in-the-depths-of-homework-and-illness pals to make up a name for your sickness, because you'll probably get more sympathy. [do you think i can blame these spaz thoughts on my drugs?]

And, [i never thought i'd be saying this...my general philsophy is that going to the doctor is the same thing as an admission of weakness and should not be tolerated] you should probably go to the doctor...

[a couple of days of antibiotics ought to cure this up. but what i really want to know is if there are drugs that would cure my obscene case of homework....hmmm]

I'm pretending that the doctor perscribed: a long phone conversation while I was snuggling with a bunch of pillows under my down comforter, making real food for dinner at Talitha's, not very much homework, watching Lost with the girls, a long hot shower, and then early bedtime.

Soon, I am going to post something for Josh to comment on. [preposition, i know. but it sounds stupid if i write it any other way] It has been bugging me for a while, and I want to hear some opinions from various genius people. But not tonight...

Sunday, September 25, 2005

refined...

adjective.
free from coarseness or vulgarity; polite.
free from impurities; purified.
precise to a fine degree.

Just something I scraped out of an illustration from this morning...

Apparently, the more refined gold is, the weaker it is. Pure equals malleable. If a gold band is stronger, it means more alloy. It's value decreases with strength and increases with weakness. Strange that we should consider this so valuable. A steel band is strong, but carries no glory.

We too, are called to be pure.

refiner's fire, my heart's one desire
is to be holy, set apart for you, Lord
ready to do your will

This means that we are called to be vulnerable. To be malleable. To be beautiful and meaningful, but not strong because of our own chemistry. Think about it. Are you aware of what you're asking Him to do? Are you who He wants you to be? He has not called the strong or brilliant, He has called those the world calls weak and foolish.

refine me.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

i want to dance...

with elephants [instead of like one].
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
[richard avedon "dovima with elephants"]

Sunday, September 18, 2005

downsizing...

I have always been a closet-clean fiend. [do i start out too many posts with "i have always...]? As in, the only clothes allowed in my closet are those that actually get worn. Every major season change, [with the exception of a few necessary articles] the contents of my closet and drawers gets a major overhaul [As in, I haul the same old clothes up from the boxes in the basement, not that i actually get new clothes].

At home, I've been the sole executioner of many articles of clothing belonging to myself and other family members [but we simply don't have the space for the long unworn]. The logic, however, is infallible [most of the time. continue]. If you don't wear it, why should it be taking up space?

My general argument still holds up, though one noticable flaw has appeared. A little black skirt.

It was purchased secondhand [goodwill] for a particular occasion [one involving working on october 31, a japanese menu, sharpies, some foil stars, eyeliner, and a few extra tips on a slow night] and honestly never warn since. I don't know why I kept it. It defied all the odds, and somehow even made it to school with me [probably because it takes up virtually no space when wrapped up tightly].

And suddenly, one day, it's my favorite 'lay around in' article of clothing. I can't believe I've been avoiding it all this time [some proportion adjustment may have a factor, now that i think about it. this has been a skirt of hope. and now it's a skirt of reality].

Good thing the rules have exceptions, ay? [yeah, ask me what i learned this summer about saying 'never'...]

What life lessons have you learned from your closet lately?

Saturday, September 17, 2005

i ain't no quitter...

Don't settle for anything less than the best. His best.

It might not look exactly as you've pictured it in your small imagination, but it will be obviously the best. Don't excuse, don't deny, don't argue. Accept only the best.

I once told you that love would conquer death
but that it wouldn't look like love;
do you remember?

I have too much riding on you.
remember me.


I'm not trying to be cryptic, guys. I have nothing to hide. I'm not having to settle. But at the same time, I never want to. And with Him, I'll never have to.

This was the boy he'd met on top of the cliffs so long ago, the boy who could sing new worlds into existence. Who could turn the planet inside out, or split the globe in two for a day of play. Who could fill a lake that never ended with water so powerful that a single drop could undo any man or woman.
-black, red,
and white by Ted Dekker

Neither will you.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

wake me up...

[your emo lyrics for today]

summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are
as my memory rests
but never forgets what i lost

wake me up when september ends

[my hands are open]

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

thoughts of 3.14...

I'm reading a really interesting novel called The Life of Pi. It's full of interesting thoughts on religion, animals, people, and God. Being a dogmatic fundamentalist, I don't agree with everything, but I do like seeing my world expand. The prose is beautiful and deep-without-being-cryptic-or-weird. This is just one of the few things I pulled today:

Doubt is useful for a while. We must all pass through the garden of Gethsemane. If Christ played with doubt, so must we. If Christ spent an anguished night in prayer, if He burst forth from the cross, 'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?' then surely we are also permitted to doubt. But we must move on. To choose doubt as a philosophy of life is akin to choosing immobility as a means of transportation.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

unsent thoughts...

Wow, it's been so long that it took me a while to remember which font, size, style, and color I use. Gosh. Did you miss me?

I was reminded today of the joy in getting to know another person. It's like the joy of watching a gorgeous sunset or sitting hypnotized by the ocean waves. It's a chance to experience a little more of God.


If you truly believe that we are made in His image, than every person you relate to in your daily life should be a reminder of Him [the only difference, of course, is the small human tendency to screw up a lot]. This way of thinking will change your way of life, I guarantee. We serve a relational God; our relationship with Him directly effects our interaction with everything and everyone else. We cannot see Him, but we can experience more of Him through encouraging, laughing, singing, praying, talking, crying, and truly living together.

All this has been inspired by my recent habit of losing myself in Lewis.

We may say, quite truly and in an intelligible sense, that those who love greatly are "near" to God.

The debunkers stigmatise as slush and sentimentality a very great deal of what their fathers said in praise of love. They are always pulling up and exposing the grubby roots of our natural loves. But I take it we must listen neither "to the over-wise nor to the over-foolish giant." The highest does not stand without the lowest.
A plant must have roots below as well as sunlight above and roots must be grubby. Much of the grubbiness is clean dirt if only you will leave it in the garden and not keep on sprinkling it over the library table. The human loves can be glorious images of Divine love.

The times when I experience living to the fullest are the times when Jesus is my first love. I wish I could say it was like that more often. I am happiest and most complete and find the most joy in everything else when seeing things through His eyes. The sky is bluer, the trees are greener, the wind is sweeter, and people are much more [tolerable] interesting and inspiring.

The basis for all enjoyment is found in Love Himself.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

oh, katrina...

a billion people died on the news tonight
but not so many cried at the terrible sight

who's the one to decide that it would be alright
to put the music behind the news tonight

why don't the newscasters cry when
they read about people who died
at least they could be decent enough
to put just a tear in their eyes

so baby close your eyes to the lullabies
on the news tonight

[jack johnson]
.the news.