seeing darkly...

I hate, repeat, hate being sick.

Fortunantly, I'm usually a pretty healthy being; anything I don't manage to fight off only lives a day or two. Maybe it's the feeling of helplessness, lack of control? I have too much else I should be doing. I don't have time to be sick. I feel guilty resting... I should be doing something productive!

There's a time for rest, however.

I've had something since Sunday night. Not sure what exactly [i'll spare you the details], but after being excused from all obligations today and sleeping much of it, I was feeling muchly better. Until tonight.

Lying on my bed berating my weakness, I was suddenly convicted of my horrible attitude and unwillingness to rest, physically and in my spirit.

i will bless the Lord at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth
oh, magnify the Lord with me,
and let us exalt His name together.
psalm 34: 1,3

There has not been much blessing, praising, magnifying, or exalting coming from my mouth the last couple of days. Just inner [and outer] complainging of my own inadequacy. I'm sorry, Lord.

The Lord is my strength, my rest, my everything. Jesus knows when I lie down, when I'm happy, when I'm successful, when I'm homesick, and when I'm reallysick. Who am I to think that my life is out of the hands of a loving, living God? Am I content to take good care of myself and still rest in the Lord in all circumstances?

A new friend inspired a rereading of Job and the end of it is especially poignant. Again and again, God reveals the truth of His greatness to Job [emily].

where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?

I was not there, Lord.

Someday, I'll see clearly.