we interrupt this greek study session...

Please pay attention. What I have to say will save hundreds of thousands of people much grief in the years to come. It will also save you from having to deal with the guilt of knowing you have caused the insanity and/or horrible deaths of countless individuals. (and gpas)

This is more than a request. It is a plea. It is a requirement.

This is a personal note to anyone out there who is creating a language.

1. Please actually have a good reason for everything. I am sick of hearing, "There is no reason. It just is."

2. Please write down your actual good reasons in detail. I am tired of hearing, "Well, if you can find a 5th century Greek to ask them, let me know, cause I'd like to talk to them. Until then, just deal with the fact that 'it just is.'"

3. Please be consistent. I am frustrated by constantly reading, "However, not all adjectives decline in the usual manner. Many of them randomly end in -eismv, -azsxui, -gkfllka, or -lakdufi. You can't tell by looking at them whether they are normal, or any one of the 28 sub non-normal categories. And still more add several letters that do not exist in English. They don't even exist in Greek. But these 4,002 adjectives decline this way. So please have them all memorized by...one hour ago. There will be a test."

4. Please listen to me as I repeat number 3. IRREGULAR IS NOT AN OPTION.

5. Please do not give the same word multiple meanings and applications that can only be deciphered if you have the human brain capabilities of Enigma. I am despairing at the words, "The preposition 'en' (not to be confused with the noun 'en,' or the verb 'en,' or the adjective 'enusattopon') used with the genitive indicative neuter case means 'yes,' but when it is used with the neuter indicative genitive plural case means 'maybe.' Also, if it is used in conjunction with an article, which also happens to be 'en' it means 'probably not.' On Tuesdays or the first, second, and forth Mondays of months ending in Y in modern English or having an even number of letters in the aincent names, 'en' means either 'no,' or 'definitely not.'"

6. Please, in case I have not mentioned this before, BE CONSISTENT. I am considering becoming suicidal upon hearing, "'oi agathos anthropos' means 'the men are good' as does 'anthropos oi agathos,' 'agathos oi anthropos,' 'hikous are awesome' and 'you are a french guinea pig.' But whichever one you use when translating from English to this language, you will use the wrong one and be beheaded. Or worse, your gpa will be taken to the Quad and publicly executed by slow ingestion of multiple principle parts of the second aorist. And then we will send the (small amount of) remains to your mom. Because you're obviously not trying hard enough, stupid."

7. Please do not bother with accents. I am considering cussing at the sound of, "Accents could go on one of the last three syllables, and they usually do, except for third declension alternate irregular imperfect adjectives ending in -qalinagaiosuuson, or anything that might have an invisible principle part. Those are called Coordinates, (not to be confused with second or first declension predicates or prepositional phrases containing no more than three vowels, which are also called Coordinates) and the accent can go any place except where you will invariably put it. If you put it there, it will be wrong and you will be beheaded. Or worse, your gpa will be taken to the quad...etc."

8. Please DO NOT EVEN CONSIDER USING ANY PHRASE THAT BEINGS WITH OR CONTAINS THE WORD 'except..." EXCEPTIONS ARE NOT ALLOWED UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY FORBIDDEN. IS THAT CLEAR?

Now, there will be a form quiz on this list of rules. But before I let you take it, let me remind you that I am a nice, fair, and even extra gracious teacher, (you have obviously had plenty of time to prepare) even though if you get anything wrong you will be publicly proclaimed a 'stupid moron who obviously didn't even try to learn anything,' I will allow you one phone call before your gpa is violently distroyed in a glorious public display.

But, only if you can list all the post-active noun forms in the third declension...

Happy Tropical Greek Print Friday, All!